Have you ever just sat back and thought about what you have been through? I have before but today was quite different. I really, really thought about my life this far. Let me share a quick testimony with you. In 2005 I packed one box of clothing and one bag of shoes to stay with my grandparents in Mississippi for a couple of weeks. During that time, I really had a chance to reflect on my life and what I had made of myself that far: I was in a relationship with an older gentleman that I had lived with, that occasionally would hit me or choke me. I had dropped out of college because of my behavior and grades. I was doing things that you could only imagine for money, I was a liar, a mistress, a manipulator and to top it all off I was straying further and further away from who I desired to be. It had gotten so bad that I didn't even want to look at myself in the mirror. I was absolutley disgusted with myself and who I had become.
To this day I do not recall the day that I wanted to change, but I do remember having that talk with my parents over the phone letting them know that I will no longer be returning to Michigan to stay. I was going to live in Mississippi and by faith, change. I do admit, I didnt know exacltly what that meant, but I did know that it was going to happen. I rededicated my life to Christ one Sunday and distingtivly remember my Pastor/Spiritual Father saying "Stay Focus and you will go far". Those words stuck with me and they still do. Needless to say, I expected everything to go peachy thereafter because I was focused. THAT was not the case. For years I had a breast issue that I denied could be real, and I was forced by my Aunt to face it. I did. And was shocked that the matter was even more serious then I thought. The doctors went back and forth about the 4 cys in my right breast being cancerous or benign. I had X-rays, Biopys, Mamorgrams and everything else and they would sometimes be certain in their diagnoses. This of course scarred me, Even though I was saved, I knew I had not lived a life that was pleasing to Christ for so long so I assumed this was my pay back. I endured 5 monthes of depression and suicide attempts. No one ever knew how I truely felt about myself ,except those who were truely close to me. The day before my last breast exam I went to church just to let God know that I was sorry for everything and to change things for me. In that service my Pastor asked me "What if the doctor says that the cys are gone?" Honestly in my mind, I was thinking, that could not be possible. I knew Gods wrath was real and that he "Changed Not" . But he asked me again and added "what would I do?" Instantly I began to Thank Him for turning my health around and for allowing me to live. In advance tryingto activate my faith. Right after my pastor said "God hears you". And with those words I knew that something was going to be different. And they were. When I went in to the doctors office the next day for my final appt before my surgery, The doctors thought they were getting pranked. The cys that they were so indecisive about had disappeared. I believe that room went from 2 people in it to 12 within 5 minutes. They couldnt belive that I now only had 2 cys that were undoubltly benign. I was joyful of course and my grandmother who was in the doctors room with me....lets just say she can praise dance pretty well to be in her 80's.
I wanted to share this testimony with you because I want you to know that God hears you too. God has been so good to me, he blessed me with a loving husband, a beautiful son, my own company and has annointed my hands to write plays that have impacted the kingdom. He spared my life tremebdously from death, aids, and only he knows what else. He heard me then, just like he has heard you over the years. He see's what you are going through even when you dont feel he doesn't. He is even soverign enough to love you in your mess. Trust me, I know. No matter who you are, realize that God can change you if you let him. I am a witness and a living testimony. Even as a believer you will go through trial ( I have even slept in my car and on peoples couches some nights) BUT TRUST ME WHEN I SAY, HE WILL MAKE YOUR TRIAL WORTH IT! I have a beautiful home and 2 cars. He has made me glad and I refuse to not share the goodness of God and all he has done for me any longer. Talk to Him, because He hears you.
Still talking,
L.A. Bonds
P.S. : Before you ask God for anything, Thank Him for everthing.
