Smart Women, Silly Choices: If a man wants you.

IF A MAN WANTS YOU
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or the Holy spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve
then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself
a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant,
Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has
more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
Oh Lord!? If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about
baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists
of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're
always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

BY THE WAY, THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A MAN, SO TAKE A HINT.............

Which dater are you?

Let's Talk,

God wants the best for us in every area of our lives. This includes friendships and even relationships with boyfriends or girlfriends. The objective or this blog is to assist you in determining what type of dater you are or going to be.

There are two different types of daters;recreational and relational. The Recreational daters, date for fun, friendship and personality development. You may be a recreational dater if you have a new person to date almost every week. Relational daters also date for fun, friendship and personality development, but they also date purposely for selection of a long term mate. You may be a relational dater if you prefer going out on a date with the same one or two people.

REMEMBER: Neither one should EVER date for popularity or security, that's an absolute NO NO!

It is very important to recognize which dater you are so that you can know how to set the standards for An actual dating relationship.The number one mistakes I have witnessed (and have done) were alternating the two. Whenever you do this, you not only confuses you but you confuse the person you are dating. If you are a recreational dater but posing as a relational dater, you will get bored easily and maybe feel that the relationship is moving to fast, and bail. If you are a relational dater but posing as a recreational dater, you will ultimately try to make the relationship more than what it is and you MORE THAN LIKELY will give more of yourself to secure the relationship which will prob' make the other person bail. These methods all together are not fair or right. Clarity and communication is the fuel that keeps any relationship. Always be clear!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being upfront with a person and telling them what type of dater you are. By doing this you not only give the person the things they can expect from you but you can also share with them the things that you want to expect from them. Leaving them with the option to journey that relationship with you or not. It is absolutely better to date the same type of dater(especially if you are a believer in Christ,they should be too)

In closing, Each dating relationship can eventually lead to a healthy marriage.Don't forget that God wants you to have fun while dating so make sure you do! Most likely you want to get married some day but don't pressure yourself with a timeline. Have fun and enjoy the dating life. You'll get to know many great people and be able to identify the qualities you want (and don't want) in your future husband or wife.

Challenge

Today examine yourself to determine which dater you are so that you may be clear when you date.

Let's Pray!

God we thank you for your new graces and mercies everyday. Thank you for giving us the privilege to come to you with all of our cares and worries and cast them on you. This week I ask that you assist your people in making wise decisions regarding their dating relationships. Help them to recognize the people in their life that they are unequally yoked with. Let their list of desires in a mate be according to your will. Help them to Realize, that they have a great advantage because they are seeking Your soul mate while working with Your Holy Spirit within them as a match maker. Lord, we appreciate you for all that you do and have done. We also thank yon in advance for favoring these request. Amen

Smart Women, Silly Choices: What did you say?

I wanted to share this with you because I feel this is needed. From the experiences I have encountered this past week,the topic of this messege arose just by listening to words people say. You know lots of times we say things that we truly mean or unconsciously don’t mean. For instance, when a pastor begins his sermon and he instructs the congregation to turn to Luke 2 and he says “When you have it say Amen” and everybody (including you, een though you don’t) says Amen. Now, you know you have not got the scripture before you. So just in that instance you lied. Why do we do this? Why don’t we choose our words carefully? Another example led me to this topic. I remembered singing this song around my mother by some artist I can’t at the moment remember. But in the lyrics of the song it said “I can’t sleep baby, I can’t eat baby, I can’t live baby, without you in my life! Don’t wanna go on baby, This is my song baby” . Now when my mom heard this she quickly said “ He need to go to the hospital!” .Though funny, not cute. I was not sick. Why was I talking like I was. The point I am trying to make here is, what are you saying over your life? Are you speaking life or death? For the Bible tells us “Its is the Spirit Who gives life [He is the Life Giver];the flesh conveys no benefit whatever[there is no profit in it]. The words[truths] that I have been speaking to you are spirit and life”(John 6:63). And if we believe in the Word we therefore shall be doers of It. How many times have you saw or heard something and immediately thought and SPOKE something negative over the situation? I know I have. Right before walking into interviews with huge corporations I would say “They probably won’t hire me” or “ They’re going to think I’m too young”. While all the time I could have been speaking life into my situation. Asking God to Bless me with favor or thanking Him for the position. I learned that we need to speak life into our life, not death. When I RECEIVED this revelation and research, I literally had to ask God for his mercy and repent. Why? Because not realizing the power of the tongue can not bring true repentance. Now I do admit I am now constantly choosing my words carefully because I am accountable for them (Matthew 12:37).But being that I repented means that I no longer want to go that route again and that I truly need help in that area. Which is the reason why I had to Thank God, ask for mercy and repent. For I want true repentance. Now this too, can be viewed in your relationship with others and what you speak on them.

You see, because not only can you speak life into yourself but you can speak life into others.“A word fitly spoken and in due season is like apples of gold in settings of silver” (Prov.25:11). We can bless people by the words of our mouth. We can literally speak life into them. The power of life and death is in the tongue (Prov. 18:21). We can choose to speak life. We actually can hold people back or urge them forward just by our words. Which made me think a lot about children. When a person has a child it is that parents responsibility to be careful about what they say. Why? The words of a parent can heal or wound. I child looks up to their parent lots of times for approval. It is not wise to refer to the child as stupid, failure, hopeless or “like their good for nothing parent”.While researching this I realized what true exhortation was (1 Thess 5:11). This indeed is a much needed ministry. Because people are giving up on their selves and their walk with Christ and need encouragement in Him to keep going. And we have to do that because we are doers of the Word. We cant just sit around and degrade and abuse our friends and loved ones and expect them to love the God we serve! Uh Huh! Like Joyce Meyers said “Is your mouth saved?!”We need to really start talking like children of God. I know I do and WILL (See its never to late to start).

So today examine your mouth. “…. Work out your own salvation with reverence and awe and trembling” (Philipi. 2:12). Speak life (The Word) into your life while speaking the Truth (ex.” I may not look well today, but joy comes in the morning” or “I am Blessed and highly favored”).Show others by your words that you serve a God that spoke light and it came and how you first confessed with your mouth that Jesus is Lord.As well as how you will daily speak life (The Word of God) to them so God will get the glory. By your mouth today let it be declared that you are saved and acceptable in Gods sight (Psalms 19:14). I challenge you to pray continually to “Set a guard, O Lord, Before my mouth; keep watch at the door of my lips” (Psalms 141:3). That way the Holy Spirit can convict you when you are saying things you shouldn’t or any kind of evil speaking. So in closing, the next time someone (or yourself) talks negatively about you or your situation or others, that you questions yourself (or them) and say………..What did you say?

Smart Women, Silly Choices: Look in the mirror

Smart Woman: “Okay L.A., I need some help. I met this guy on my way home from school on the bus. His name is Travis. I’ve seen him around campus a few times. He is so fine! I know he is a psyche major and he is in graduate school. I have also seen him the sub shop on campus working...I think he is like the janitor or whatever. Anyways, we talked for a few minutes on the bus and exchanged numbers .He’s real cool and very sweet to me. I can tell he like me a whole too. BUT Come to find out he has two kids by two different women. He says there is no drama, but I’m like, who doesn’t have drama when they got baby mamas? I mean, I know I don’t give my two baby daddies drama, but seriously what man do you know that’s is like that? Anyway, I also learned that he does in fact work at that sub shop. Ugh! This is what I can’t stand about these dudes LA! They are all that that and then they bust out all the lame qualities that I just don’t have time for. I want the guy with the luxury car, and the six figure paying job, with no kids, never been married and everything! You know; Already established! After my last divorce, I just don’t have time to make a man. I need him already made”.

Today’s topic for discussion, Smart Women, Silly Choices: Look in the Mirror. This scenario may not be yours verbatim but are you making this silly choice like this intelligent woman? Do you desire a man that has possessions or characteristic that you don’t? I hate to bust your bubble, but things don’t work like that. To often have I encountered intelligent women either far in their career, business owners, community leaders or the best homemakers, that makes poor choices in their dating lives like this one. My advice to this young woman and you if you are similar to her is, Look in the mirror! Take a look at yourself first and circumstances. True, where you are now, you won’t be for long BUT Don’t make the qualification to be with you or even talk to you MORE than what you have achieved yourself. Take a look in the mirror! If you’re living with your relative in order to save money to purchase a home, why can’t he be? If you are catching the bus to work because it make more sense then buying a car, what’s wrong with him riding a bike? Here is the big one, if you have kids STOP disqualifying the dude that got kids too! UGH TO YOU! It isn’t right, and it’s definitely not fair! And quite frankly, my theory on why you want someone that has obtained some of the things you haven’t is either for bragging purposes or you want an earthly savior. Either way it’s pathetic! Being with someone to be whole will leave you in pieces. There is no man (But Jesus if you want to get spiritual) that can repair your childhood hurts or make the scariness of life painlessly perfect. Get a life and come back to reality! Achieve on your own! If you want it, get it! If you strive to be it, be it! God already made man, so quit trying to do it. “I want the guy with the luxury car, and the six figure paying job, with no kids, never been married and everything! You know; Already established!” Girl please, you are a full time student yourself and you have children NOT TO MENTION you was on the same bus with him, why would you give this genuinely interested man a hard time? It sound like you both can support each other. PLUS the way the economy is today, a job is a job! People are being laid off six figure positions and having to start all over. Stop being super picky.

Ladies, you know that there are either a couple of men or at least one man in your life or that you see on a daily basis that you just won’t give the time of day because of some of your superficial qualifications. Think about it for a second. Is he really that bad? How long has he been pursuing you? Here’s a tough one, is he a JUST LIKE YOU (same circumstances, qualities, and even goals; like a mirror) and you just can’t stand it? Trust me I am not ignoring the idea of wanting better then what you have had or wanting more or even that opposites attract. All of these can be fact for you. Or you may have characteristics or possessions that your partner does not, TRUST ME you can still make the relationship work. How? By not demanding that the other person obtain the same traits. Trying to make yall equal. That’s not right! Just like you want to be loved and cherished for who you are, so do they. Men are people too. I know you know that already, but sometimes when you read it; it sinks in a little bit deeper. Cherish a man for who he is.

Challenge

Examine yourself this week ladies and maybe give that guy a chance. Go to lunch with him; give him your phone number. You never know, He may be perfect for you.Make sure you tell me how it goes too.

Let’s pray.

God we know that you are all knowing, all seeing and ever-present. We thank You for that. Lord today help the women that read this blog in their single – walk. Enlighten them in the areas that they are unsure of. Strengthen them in the areas they are weak in and also help them in examining their selves and their choices. Today, Lord forgive them for overlooking the blessings that have passed them by. Open their minds to grasp Your knowledge and plans for their lives regarding marriage and relationships. Make them seen and known by their potential husbands. Lord, we thank you in advance for favoring all of these request. In Jesus name, Amen.

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